The holiday's are upon us once again and it may have you a bit stressed about the family gatherings that for many, last year's pandemic gave us a pass. A reprieve of sorts. The holidays bring up so many emotions and ghosts of our past. We all have complicated family dynamics of some sort. Trust me, I'm right there with you.
This is a time when our true spiritual growth is often challenged by those closest to us. We're doing the work on ourselves and then bam! The thing that has the ability to derail us, our triggers show up and core wounds in the family dynamics resurface.
Whether you were the rebel in the family, the pleaser, the savior, or fixer; unless the childhood wounds are addressed we often carry them into adulthood which is highlighted during family gatherings. As little girls, we often didn't have choices in the rules of the household, but guess what? We do now as adult women. When put into family dynamics, we naturally default to the way we've always shown up. This holiday season I ask that you shift your mindset by awakening and allowing yourself to show up the way you desire; not the young girl, but the extraordinary woman you are.
Here's the deal, we show up in one of two roles; defiance or compliance. The defiant is the one who goes against the expected or requested whether they mean it or not. They're usually what I consider the rebel or "shit-starter." On the other hand, the compliant one just wants peace, often at any costs. They go around and make niceties and try to please everyone and be deemed the "good-girl" as they once were in childhood. Does this ring a bell? For years many of us, me included, would go around and do things that would make others happy, say things to make them feel good and fulfill a list of "shoulds" even if it was against my personal truth. But then I realized boundaries needed to be set to protect my peace. Boundaries are beautiful especially when Uncle Joe, or dear Aunt Louise decides to barrage you about your divorce, your weight, your sexuality, etc. You do NOT have to tolerate that. At all. Respond in love, not in reaction. Thank them and assure them you are just fine and all is well. Simply, we are more than enough.
Regardless of what role you played, I invite you to be in alliance with yourself. Being in alliance means letting your "no" mean "no" and your "yes" mean "yes." It's honoring yourself. This requires a high level of self-awareness, and strong relationship with Source/God/Your Divine. Simply meaning that you show up as who are now, the woman you are proud of, and continue to become. It's willing to tolerate their drama, their discomfort, their confusion, and disapproval, etc. Pleasing others because of their shoulds, expectations at the cost of your inner peace and happiness simply isn't worth it. Remember, there is no greater consequence than that of self abandonment, not for anyone.
Recognize your triggers. Trust yourself. Listen. Trust in your Divine. Set boundaries that protect your peace and give thanks.
Let us pray or be in stillness.
Take a moment to close your eyes.
Relax your shoulders.
Dear Lord, thank you for giving us the families that we have. Thank you for having us been born in the perfect circumstances of Your will. You make no mistakes. Our lives are predestined. The family we were born into, the parents that you gave us, or we chose, the childhood experiences have made us into the women we are today.
I pray for healing in our family dynamics that we could let go, forgive, become unattached, less needy, defiant, compliant, and more connected to You. Let us show up the way you have designed for us; wise, powerful, articulate, and brilliant. You are the Almighty and the source of all peace and for that we thank you.
I wish you and your family a beautiful holiday season. Continue to walk in your truth and be a light to those around you. Send gratitude for each family member for who they are, and what they bring to your life. I guarantee you, it will change your perspective.
Here's to Mid La Vie!